..this time around..

so in love with her

This time around, I am 38 weeks pregnant. What do I think about this pregnancy? There’s no word to describe my feelings. There’s no word to describe what I think. What I know is I am going to face whatever happens. I’m not complaining neither is I being ungrateful. But this pregnancy is the real test from Allah, which I have to face.

Throughout the first 5 months, the nausea that I felt is really the obnoxious one. It doesn’t show any mercy to a human being like me. It is just attacking without a break, or without a sympathy shown. So what am I to do? Rather to face and handle the matter bravely. Well there’s no one to help me. Even Kie is helpless to help.

Speaking about him. Hmmm..That was also a test. But as an adult and a future ummi to 2 wonderful children, I have to handle that matter wisely without incurring any complication, mentally corruption as well as any dissatisfying to out each other. I prayed that everything went smoothly. And how I prayed!

Being an adult, you have the advantage of being rational and mature about this whole thing. And being the only one that being rational and matured, I have no choice but to handle the situation as calm and in order as possible. Do not involve in stupid argument with Kie and leave your stressful work at your house doorstep!

the peruts of mine at this period

As I don’t cook anymore, there are financial issue occurs! And like I said, I have to be the mature and wise one. There are Izzah and newborn baby to think of. And there’s food to put on the table. But Alhamdulillah, I did manage to handle those matters without slashing tongue with Kie nor having to pull long face with each other.

Honestly, it is quite tiring to be the person to think! To be the only person who thinks! And sometimes, I do feel like screaming my heart out! Unleashed the burden I have to carry all this time! But as I prayed, praying so hard. Crying my heart out. And then I felt okay and everything will be alright. He doesn’t leave me after all this year. Just stretch your hand and pray.

At these 38 weeks, I have just realized. Things happen for reasons. Hundreds of them. Even sometimes, there are thousand of them. I just have to lay back and absorb. Breathe and exhale. That’s it. There’s no need to be emotional about what has happen. Just relaxed and lay back. Think the matter what matter you the most. Like Izzah for example. No matter what happen, she will always be there for me. To make me laugh and biting my lips to all her crankiness, joke, wailing, tantrums and gestures. And there will be a new member of the family. I am blessed. Seriously I am.

Alhamdulillah.

..dia sakit lagi..

when she was 4 mos old

Dia sakit lagi!

Having the same symptoms when she was warded the other day. Thank God I came early yesterday. Because I had my tummy check up with the clinic, thus Kie fetched me later. But it all started when we reached home. Izzah started to cry before she vomited. She vomits to the extend my clothes were soaked with her vomiting. At first I thought she was having that regular vomiting and later she will be alrite. But I was mistaken.

She just can’t stop vomiting and crying altogether. And I just can’t stop worrying. In my head I was imagine the image of the ER at the hospital. Today is the holiday for Pahang state. Meaning that, Kie has to take turn sit with his brother at the hospital. And for Izzah’s condition, I’m afraid the whole routine before warded will take place. I am in no condition to have that energy to go that ordeal again.

We took her to the clinic. The only clinic we trust so far. The doctor diagnosed her symptoms as food poisoning. (Izzah has new nanny now. Since my MIL, has to take care of her son.) At the clinic, I asked the doctor to give something to ease her vomiting and to comfort her stomach. He gave something real effective, but has to given through her butt. Just imagine the screeching of sound and crying that came out from Izzah’s mouth. (I don’t have the heart to see her in that condition actually. But things has to be done, before it gone worse.)

Luckily, Kie exchange places with his elder brother. So if anything happen, I am not that scared.

..ramadhan ini..

Hari nih dah start aku pasang langsir ngan kemas umah. Kalau aku yang tak buat, saper lagik nak buatkan? Hehehe Tapi yang pastinya, langsir umah aku tak la macam setengah-setengah rumah yang semestinya design yang da bomb dan baru.

Aku pakai jer langsir masa aku kahwin. The only curtain yang baru, untuk kitchen dan bilik air bawah. Yerlah nak cover sikit bilik air tuh. Matching la kat bawah tuh ngan warna feveret aku; maroon. Then when I visited one of the shops here, I came across this material that I love so much. Takder lah grand sangat. But being me, aku suka corak yang simple dan tak berserabut.

with opah, nenek, kak athirah, abg aiman & abg arif

So last 2 weeks of fasting, aku balik Ipoh, since aku tak tahu whether aku dapat balik Ipoh or not this coming raya. Aku bawa balik la material tuh, thinking that it can be the curtain for 3 rooms kat atas. Hanya untuk pintu bilik jer. Others just guna langsir yang ada. So berbalik pada soal material yang aku beli tuh, aku bawa balik Ipoh. Minta tolong ngan mak untuk jahitkan.

Mak tak sempat nak jahitkan on the spot, since aku akan balik that Sunday to Pahang. So last week, mak posted the curtain back to me. Together with sarung tilam Izzah and kuah kacang. Mak la kan. Always know what their daughter thinking. Sbb aku mmg nak suh mak postkan kuah kacang instant tuh sekali. The best instant kuah kacang I’ve ever tasted! Hehehe

Masa pasang langsir kat bawah tadi, Izzah la orang paling sibuk sekali. Kie cakap “awak jakun ker tak pernah tengok langsir ke??” HEhehehhh… memangla kan.. Aku tak pernah pasang langsir kat bawah tuh. Cuma pasang heading jer. Tapi not fully with 2nd layered. Izzah was playing with the curtains. Mulut jangan cakap la. Cam mulut murai. Kie cakap ikut aku..Iyer ker..?? heheh I guess I am a bit the murai. Hahahahahahah

So this raya should be awesome, not because of the curtains. But Izzah dah pandai nak beraya. Tapi yang failnya masa aku trykan baju kurung tuh, she end up crying. Salah aku ker, sbb memboyishkan anak aku. Bukan aku tak suka pakaikan dia girlish. Tapi aku suka yang ringkas dan tak serabut mata memandang. Mata aku la kan. So I end up buying shorts, shirts, slacks, denim for her.

Tapi ada juga yang tak best raya ini. Aku tak tahu lagi whether aku balik Ipoh atau tidak because of my condition! A bit the crappie this time. Masa preggykan Izzah, 7 months onwards adalah masa untuk aku maju dengan jayanya. I can walk happily! I can go wherever I want, without have to complain anything. La nih? Feh! Nak gi Pasar Ramadhan pun aku tak leh nak breath. And suddenly feeling like to faint and vice versa. Ramadhan kali ini, mmg mencabar minda dan fizikal aku. Terlampau byk dugaan. Tapi sebagai hambaNya, I have to accept this ngan redhanya. Things happen for a reason. So perhaps, aku leh bersalin ngan jayanya! Or maybe perhaps, there’s no superstition crap yang perlu aku hadapi. It’s only perhaps. But who knows kan? heheheh

izzah the next day, when we were lepaking at white coffee kopitiam (kreko kan anak aku nih??)

Look-alike Meter

Aku tengok entry dalam blog zz.. so cam menarik jer nak buat..hehhe so here it is..
Yang paling penting, ia mengenepikan telahan orang yang mengatakan Izzah nothing alike me n kie.. This is the proof bebeh.. Izzah anak aku ngan kie.. muahahahaha

...tiga malam tanpa bintang...

tiga malam tanpa bintang..bintang yang bersinar...bintang yang menyinari hidup kami...

tiga malam tanpa bintang... bintang yang selalu mengubat luka lara.. bintang yang selalu menghiburkan kami...

tiga malam tanpa bintang...bintang yang memberi sinar kepada kami... bintang yang mengubat penat dan lesu...

wajah yang terbaring lesu di atas katil...di selimuti dengan kesejukan dan kedinginan.. hati aku tersentuh melihat keadaannya... tersentuh dan terasa akan kehilangannya... kehilangan senyuman manja...kehilangan keletah nakal dan sentiasa mencuit hati... kehilangan punca nafas aku untuk hidup...hanya tinggal tangisan sakit dan terluka...
sesungguhnya aku hanya mampu merangkul dia dalam dakapanku... soothing and calming her with words that I know... rocking her to sleep... semua kepayahan dia..amat menusuk hati aku... kenapa perlu dia menghadapi semua ini...hanya kerana kealpaan pihak ketiga?

tapi yang paling melukakan aku the most is sikap acuh tak acuh pihak hospital... aku tak akan lupa akan pengalaman ini.. and whoever it is... just BEWARE..kerana aku tak akan berdiam diri di atas kebodohan dan sikap tidak sensitif kalian semua!

izzah sayang...

When you are ill,

our sun goes under a cloud.

Your presence in our lives

is such a bright joy

that everything seems in shadow

when you're not here.

When you aren't feeling well,

we feel the lackof your glowing energy

and contagious vitality.

When you are sick

we feel incomplete,

like a jigsaw puzzle

with a missing piece;

Please rest,

take good care of yourself,

and feel better.

We miss you

and want you back.

Get well soon.

...my precious is ONE...

Happy birthday, dearest one,

Sweet child of my heart!

We've become one family,

Of which you are a part.

And so I sing out equally

To all of those who are

Mine by blood or fortune blessed,

No more, no less my star!

We are one in love and joy,

In fondness and in worth,

And so as one we celebrate

This day, your day of birth!

yours truly..

ummi & abah

p/s: Happy birthday to you too, achik yein..my darling nyah..

...happy birthday to me...

aku dah 29! not a big deal. takkan semakin tahun..semakin muda laks.. age is no longer a concern to me. all i want for this birthday is to be with my precious Izzah and my family.. and i already have that..have i?

(3 mak dara pingitan)
pergi ke KL..membawa hati yang lara..semata-mata ingin menggembirakan hati yang gundah.. since he haven't wish me until 11.59am 1/7/2007. kul 12.00am dah 2/7 dah.. aku redha..jika ini ketentuannya...it's not a big deal.. since i already immune in this kind of situation...

(zz, walaupun anak kau terkepit..aku treasure our friendship)
tapi yang pasti aku gumbira tepuk tangan ramai-ramai..bila dapat berjumpa kawan-kawan yang amat aku rindui...amat aku kenangi..tq dear frens..for making my day.. walaupun dalam hectic..ramainya umat..susah nak parking..jiwa tgh kacau..you all still make my day... with that
I THANK YOU!

(zz, aku suka sgt hadiah nih..tq so much...terlampau convenient)