can I be more this spastic??

ya Allah.. seriously I'm in huru hara mode. I dun know why I can be this unorganised. all i'm asking is just please leave me alone. only for a while. just just give me 1 hour, so that i can concentrate more on my work. so that i can finish up my endless work that seems not able to stop.

i've tried to reorganised back. the thing that i should do first, and tidy up according to its priority. but they seem not able to leave me alone. the huru hara mode seems to catch all the energy i've tried to save on the buziness schedule as a housewife n an ummi later. n all are building up, until i felt chocked and unable to breath!

all i'm saying is, i just need a peace to myself. so that i can breath and exhale. so that i can finish the thing i should do.. just 1 hour. i need 1 hour to reorganise..to reboot.. to see things more clearly....can i? or can't i?

..::a weekend without HIM::..

so the weekend goes kindda smooth for me n izzah. eventhough kie was away for a course, that weekend, it was alrite for us.

mula-mula ingat mcm nak balik rumah MIL. tapi fikir-fikir biarlah duduk di rumah sendiri. at least, it proves that i can stand on my own. be independent..rely on myself.. so me n izzah, duk lepak-lepak kat rumah, tengok TV...TV tengok kami.. hehehe

tetiba terdengar bunyi lagu snow patrol from my hp...it was my MIL. it was saturday, and she called asking whether we were ok or not.. i said ok.. kenapa laks tak ok kan? then dia tanya izzah nangis ke malam tadi..? i said tak.

kalau aku nak menjawab lebih, memang aku boleh jawab. tapi aku tak jawab. sebenarnya apa the real reason tanya aku camtuh? am i incapable jaga izzah n menguruskan rumahtangga, even kie is not around?

it bothers the hell out of me?? aku memang tak suka orang mempersoalkan kredibiliti dan my ability. i am CAPABLE k! see the leg laaaaaa..

bila kie takder, i thought i will be ok. but it is not ok. for me la. i was kind of lost. there were something missing... entah la.. susah nak describe.. i think i can't live without him... walaupun semua urusan rumahtangga, him, n izzah aku yang uruskan, pernah terdetik mengatakan kalau kie outstation, i should be ok. i dun like the feeling of needing something or somebody. it made me vulnerable..

people sometimes can be inconsiderate..

kadang-kadang macam terlampau sukar untuk berbuat baik dengan orang.
kadang-kadang macam malas sangat nak baik dengan orang.
kadang-kadang macam tak mahu nak berbaik-baik dengan orang.

sebab..

kadang-kadang manusia nih, memang tak patut di buat baik..
kadang-kadang manusia nih memang tak perlu untuk di cakap baik-baik..
kadang-kadang juga, manusia nih memang tak payah la di buat baik!

kenapa perlunya manusia yang macam nih?

izzah demam campak seminggu.. aku memang tak cukup tidur dan since dia tak nak dekat kie, jadi terpaksalah aku melayan izzah yang penuh dengan ragam. izzah jarang meragam. tapi bila sekali dia meragam, memang tak terlayan dibuatnya. serba tak kena dibuatnya..

then aku dapat tahu from my officemate about another officemate than has been complaining about me to HQ! all for naught! simply becoz SHE is too consuming about the mistake that SHE assume I made!! and after that, is being confirmed by HQ that there is not such thing as the mistake that she accused me to do!

what made me fiercely angry is, why the hell she has to do that? i didn't do nothing to deserve such treatment. i did everything in my power to make sure that i do my work and pleasing everyone. every single one i know! and why is that? coz' i have a theory in my head, that when i treat everyone equally and nicely, people will treat me the same!

but that isn't going to happen. is it?