Monday, November 26, 2007

..this time around..

so in love with her

This time around, I am 38 weeks pregnant. What do I think about this pregnancy? There’s no word to describe my feelings. There’s no word to describe what I think. What I know is I am going to face whatever happens. I’m not complaining neither is I being ungrateful. But this pregnancy is the real test from Allah, which I have to face.

Throughout the first 5 months, the nausea that I felt is really the obnoxious one. It doesn’t show any mercy to a human being like me. It is just attacking without a break, or without a sympathy shown. So what am I to do? Rather to face and handle the matter bravely. Well there’s no one to help me. Even Kie is helpless to help.

Speaking about him. Hmmm..That was also a test. But as an adult and a future ummi to 2 wonderful children, I have to handle that matter wisely without incurring any complication, mentally corruption as well as any dissatisfying to out each other. I prayed that everything went smoothly. And how I prayed!

Being an adult, you have the advantage of being rational and mature about this whole thing. And being the only one that being rational and matured, I have no choice but to handle the situation as calm and in order as possible. Do not involve in stupid argument with Kie and leave your stressful work at your house doorstep!

the peruts of mine at this period

As I don’t cook anymore, there are financial issue occurs! And like I said, I have to be the mature and wise one. There are Izzah and newborn baby to think of. And there’s food to put on the table. But Alhamdulillah, I did manage to handle those matters without slashing tongue with Kie nor having to pull long face with each other.

Honestly, it is quite tiring to be the person to think! To be the only person who thinks! And sometimes, I do feel like screaming my heart out! Unleashed the burden I have to carry all this time! But as I prayed, praying so hard. Crying my heart out. And then I felt okay and everything will be alright. He doesn’t leave me after all this year. Just stretch your hand and pray.

At these 38 weeks, I have just realized. Things happen for reasons. Hundreds of them. Even sometimes, there are thousand of them. I just have to lay back and absorb. Breathe and exhale. That’s it. There’s no need to be emotional about what has happen. Just relaxed and lay back. Think the matter what matter you the most. Like Izzah for example. No matter what happen, she will always be there for me. To make me laugh and biting my lips to all her crankiness, joke, wailing, tantrums and gestures. And there will be a new member of the family. I am blessed. Seriously I am.


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