I concluded something that miracly change my perception towards the life inside me. I was watching 3lbs at NTV7, (my favaurite series this days) her daughter has a mojor chronic fits that can be a fatal if she didn't receive an early treatment, which end up with surgery. Having the thought of open your brain out, really scared any alive human. Being the only daughter and child, the parents have no choice but to agreed with the surgeons.
But after the surgery, the mother do have worries. After her daughter awakes, she tend to have a lot of thoughts. One of them, she scared that the daughter might blaiming her for not being there for her and making the decision without comtemplating with her first.
Then one of the surgeon came to her and said that "your daughter has awake" All she can answer is, "i am scared of meeting her. scared what she might be thinking of me. scared that she might blaiming me for not being there for her"
But what the surgeon answer that captured my attention the most. YOUR DAUGHTER IS A BRAVE GIRL. AND THAT BRAVE HAVE TO COME THROUGH YOU FIRST, FOR THE FIRST NINE MONTHS IN YOUR TUMMY. And that does change her thoughts!
So moral of the story, I've been in a lot of mixed feelings about this pregnancy. Worries were one of them. That scariness, having to actually going to that ordeal again, does trigger the braveness in my heart. But at the same time, I am happy. But then, I am worried......again.. Worried, that I might not be able to give equal attention to the THREE of them and to me nevertheless. But later, I feel overly excited. That I might burst with excitement! And then, I feel insecure. Insecure about the how actually people around me felt about this pregnancy.. *sigh*
But later, it has been resolved. By a simple gesture and talk from my parents and family... They have been supportive and make me think that I can face whatever it is..I really can.. Seriously because I know I have all the love in the world....